Morning Musume Is My God Now

This weekend was momentous. I considered it one of the happiest time of my life. That's right, it was the MORNING MUSUME CONCERT!

When it was announced back in February, and once the box office opened, I mad hammered the internet trying to get my tickets. Due to the high traffic, you could only buy the 'area' but couldn't pick your seats. The seats were randomly decided by the Organizer, so no one knew what their seats were until they received the tickets in the mail. I got the tickets in the beginning of April I think, and I got third row center tickets.

THIRD ROW CENTER, BITCHES!

I have one of the worst luck in the world, but this time lady luck have smiled upon me. I consider this one of the most fortunate event of my life.

So I waited and waited, with my cool coworkers giving me any newspaper cutout of Morning Musume so I could put it up on my cubicle. I liked the group for ten years and finally I can see them live. I tried to prepare myself as the concert drew near by constantly listen to their singles over and over again, but you really can't prepare yourself for the awesomeness that is Morning Musume Concert.

Finally, the long wait was over.

I decided that I shall head over to the concert hall around 4pm, with the concert starting at 7. I wanted to go early so I could buy some nifty merchandises. But once I got there, the line for the merch was huuuuuuge. It was insane! I lined up for an hour until this dude with a crew badge came over and told the line that most of the phat loots were sold out. I decided this dude wearing a crew badge was just another fan trying to scam the line into thinking the phat loots were gone so he could keep it all to himself. Sneaky sneaky. When I got to the front, the dude behind the counter said, ALL SOLD OUT EXCEPT FOR SMALL T SHIRTS FOR LITTLE GIRLS THAT YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY FIT IN. At least that's what I heard so I was extremely upset. Goddamn it no phat loot! I guess there's always online auctions.

So I entered my THIRD ROW CENTER seat with my friend and it was soooooooooo close to the stage I almost cried. A bunch of dudes walked up to the front green with jealousy, and I sat there looking like a king.

Then the concert started.

HOLY SHIT IT WAS AWESOME. There was a fan-organized thingy that the audience will all hold up blue glow sticks for the opening song "Resonant Blue". Each individual solos will be a different colour corresponding to each members, and the encore will be pink. It was a sight to behold, the awesomeness of Taiwanese fans. Morning Musume were so touched and shocked that the leader, Takahashi Ai, AKA My Bride to be, acknowledged the glow stick awesomeness in which everyone went wild.

The leader of Morning Musume, Takahashi Ai, AKA my Bride to be, is a Goddess. THIRD ROW CENTER was really close so I tried to make eye contacts with all of them. Takahashi Ai, AKA my Bride to be, looked at me several times... or at least in my general direction, but I still insist that she meant to look at me and me only.

Then miracle happened.

I taped my blue and pink glow sticks into letters "A" and "I" to spell my Bride to be's first name AI as an attempt to get her attention. And during the encore, she pointed at me. SHE FUCKING POINTED AT ME!

I will say it again, TAKAHASHI AI, AKA MY BRIDE TO BE, FUCKING POINTED AT ME AND SMILED. I DO, TAKAHASHI AI, I DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I melted into my seat when it was all over, and just sat there trying to think what to name our children, then all nine members came out the stage again!

The crowed went crazy again. We were THAT awesome that we made them came out again. There were about 250 fans from Japan, and they thanked Taiwan in unison from being awesome. There were also lines of fans from Japan and Taiwan shaking hands...like in a baseball game. We were THAT awesome. Morning Musume can bring world peace.

Morning Musume are Goddesses! They are Deities!!! I shall build a shrine to worship the awesomeness of Morning Musume. SCREW YOU REGULAR MAINSTREAM SUPERNATURAL BEINGS OF SUPREME POWER, MORNING MUSUME IS MY GOD NOW!

LOLZ

My bro sent me this just now and I almost got in trouble from laughing and spitting chips at my laptop

glumbert - The Science Of Ball To Groin

sux to be him

Cursin' GrandMa

My GrandMa is a lovely 83 years old with good health. However since my GrandDaddy passed away about ten years ago she started shrinking in size and brain power... We try our best to not let her fade away so we all do our very best to keep her brains active and accompanied. Of course being your stereotypical Chinese family, we do that by playing MahJhong.

When GrandMa plays MJ, she has an unknown hellbent power source to draw from, and she curses like a Northern Chinese brute.

Before going into details, I'd like to introduce the cast:

Me: The adorably lovable grandson/son/nephew that everyone loves.
MyDad: MJ expert of the family who is getting obese.
MyMom: MJ half-expert of the family who is getting obese.
PsycAunt: Psycology Professor Aunt who likes to make retarded noises on the MJ table.
NagAunt: Aunt that likes to nag lovingly and suck at MJ.
GrandMa: Who cannot remembers what she had for lunch five minutes ago but knows how many to win with a full suit.

These are some typical verbal exchanges at the MJ table:

PsychAunt: MJ is easy and I'm the best LALALALALA WO WO WO WO WO GAGAGOGO *gibberish*
NagAunt: Shut your mouth please it's annoying.
PsychAunt: Whatever, I do what I want!
Grandma: Yo Mama! You are annoying the hell out of me.
Me: GrandMa you really shouldn't say that cuz you're really just cursing at yourself.
Grandma: You want me to spank you boy?

***

NagAunt: PON!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh Yeah I'm da QUEEN! Wait! This may screw up my hand... Lemme see, lemme see, lemme see....hmmmm, wait.... um....should I.... wait....if I play this I may lose...
GrandMa: YO MAMA! HURRY UP!
NagAunt: Alrite I'll let this tile go
GrandMa: You suck, I win, pay up!
NagAunt: I knew it!
GrandMa: .........................................so who won?

***

MyDad: OMG This hand sucks! Worst hand EVAR! Why don't I just lay all my tiles in the open so all of you can see how sucky my hand is.
MyMom: Don't embarrass yourself
GrandMa: YO MAMA! You are dishonoring our family AND the MJ table. Who raised you?

***

We only let GrandMa to play at max 1500NT, if she loses it all then she doesn't have to pay anymore. However for some reason she always think she has a lot more money than we let her play with...and when it comes to discussion about money GrandMa will always take it up a notch.

MyDad: GrandMa you're broke for today.
GrandMa: How much did I lose?
MyMom: $1500NT, we counted for you.
GrandMa: BULL! I had at least $4000NT
MyMom: No we counted for you before it started, you only had $2000NT and we only let you play with $1500NT.
MyDad: Yup we counted.
GrandMa: You are all liars! YO GRANDMAMA!
MyMom: *whimpers*
PsycAunt *in English so my GrandMa couldn't understand us* : GrandMa is confused, we should really pay more caution to this...
GrandMa: Why are you speaking in a language that I do not understand.
PsycAunt: You are so adorable GrandMa.
GrandMa: ARE YOU MY MAMA OR AM I YOUR MAMA! YOU UNGRATEFUL DAUGHTER!
PsycAunt: *giggles*
GrandMa: YO GRANDMAMA!
***

Which reminds me of a very cute anecdote. My grandparents are from the ShangDong province before they came to Taiwan. They have thick ShangDong-ese accents, and along with that is the usual 'greet your mama's private part' cussing. Much alike the c*** word in the English language (I apologize for the offensive word).

Whenever my grandparents fight, their MAMA and GRANDMAMA would all be out in the open verbally, and their private parts are all fair game. They use this so much and so liberally that it lost all meanings for me.

Once upon a time when I was probably only nine years old, my little cousin scared the shit out of everyone, she was three at the time.

MyCousin: I don't want dinner, I want pudding!
GrandMa: No, be a good bunny and eat your dinner.
MyCousin: But I want pudding!
GrandMa: No, if you don't eat your dinner, no pudding, and no TV for you!

MyCousin screamed on top of her three years old lung: YO GRANDMAMA'S C*** ^>.<^!!!!

She delivered it beautifully, and my grandparents stopped swearing until we became adults.

I Got Owned In My Dream

I had a horrid reoccuring dream last night.

In my dream, I was sitting on a bus on my way to a beach resort wearing a Hawaiian shirt and sipping mai tai. It was a happy dream. Then, I opened my backpack and took out my power electronics text book and started studying.

It appeared that I had four exams to write in one week, and I managed to skip all of my power electronics lectures so I had to self-teach myself meanwhile still had to study for the other three ass whoopingly hard electrical engineering exams.

I told myself, in my dream, that I could do this. One day each for the three subjects, and the remaining time will be for power electronics. At the same time, I was sitting on a bus on my way to a beach resort wearing a Hawaiian shirt and sipping mai tai. Jolly good time!

I felt confident, full or spirit, and ready to rock the exams to get my degree. The dream was glorious!

When I arrived at the beach destination, the bus full of university students were whisked off to a concrete building with cold desks and cold seats. From that point on the dream started to suck, because it was exam time.

Me: WTF!? NOW!? WTFWTFWTF!?
Random Hag: Please leave all of your bags at the back, and take a seat. You will have two and a half hours to complete the exam. Please also have your student ID ready for inspection.
Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO /Vader.

I flipped through the exam, and it was a typical University of Toronto ECE exam from hell. Five questions for a 150 minutes exam. FIVE GODDAMNED DIFFICULT QUESTIONS. My eyes started to well up, realizing my dream of finishing school and go on to get a cushy job was cruelly shattered by the demonic faculty. Then a voice projected across the room,

Random Hag: Ten minutes left.
Me: *sob* *sob* *sob*
Random Hag: QUIET YOU, NO SOBBING.
Me: *sob* *sob* *sob* *sob* *sob* Why is power electronics so hard... *sob*
Random Hag: This is Electric-Mechanical Energy Transfer, not Power Electronics.
Me: fuck...
Random Hag: Times up bitches.
Classmate A: That was freakin easy, what that hell was that!
Me: Fuck You.
Classmate B: I aced that! I thought it was going to be hard!
Me: Fuck You.
Classmate C: I had so much time left to double check my work, they should've make more questions I had more than enough time.
Me: Fuck You.

In real life, I failed Electric-Mechanical Energy Transfer in my Third Year. During the real exam, I didn't know what I was doing and started writing self-appreciative notes to my prof as an attempt to fish for sympathy. My prof promptly failed me and I had to take it again in my Fourth with a barely passing grade. I hated that course, and it hated me. I swore to myself that I would never ever touch that subject ever again. But the stupid thing had haunted my dream for the past four years.

Luckily, it was just a dream, and I can always wake up with my diploma hanging on the wall in my room looking mighty fine. With that degree I was able to get a decent challenging job and living comfortably.

See, I'm sitting here in the nicely air-con office sipping bubble tea without my shoes on, and updating the blog.

I work hard for my money.