When I Try to be Hip
One day I was sporting my backpack while listening to my iPod... strutting my stuff down the street pretending to be one of those really cool dudes from the iPod commercial... and I tripped and ATE IT on the floor. It was a total wipe-out, and I don't think I'll ever regain my hipness... sad times.
When 7-11 Is Trying to be Humorous
In Taiwan's 7-11 we have this prepaid cash card thingy called iCash. I had mine for years and it was pretty worn out. A few weeks ago I deposited some money in it, but right afterward the card reader couldn't pick up my card. I sent it in and 7-11 called me and told me they'll give me a new card with the same amount of money inside. Which was all fine for me, until I received the card.
7-11 sent me a limited edition, 30 Hours Famine collector's card. That's right, 30 Hours Famine Collector's card! On the card is this adorable African kid with the biggest smile holding up an empty bowl because he wants food.
Imagine this. I go to 7-11, and in one hand it is stuffed with junk food and fat and booze. And the other hand I pull out this card with a starving kid on the card promoting fund raising from not eating food. Funny 7-11, funny!
When I Discovered Electric Toothbrush
It was a revelation. I'm a lazy ass, so to get to stand there staring blindly into the mirror with my arms totally still while my teeth are getting cleaned, it's brilliant! I count this as one of my top three fondest discoveries of my life.
When I Still Hate Biz Trips
I was shipped off to Tokyo as the company slave, and as usual the trip sucked. However, the state-of-the-arts automatic ass washing toilet with blow dry was waiting for me (or rather, for my ass). Oh! I discovered the automatic ass washing toilet, is called the bidet. Bidet is actually a legit English word and not a made-believe Engrish, who knew! Unfortunately, when I'm on trips, the first few days my body is in a state where I cannot poop. Double unfortunately, this trip was only for a few days. So the only saving grace from my suffering of being the company slave, the bidet, could not be enjoyed by me. And I am not going to use the bidet without having to poop, because that's just sad.
When I Ran Around A Biz Hotel In My Undies
I forgot to pack a pair of shorts for the biz trip, so after I had my shower I was only in my boxers. Then I realized, there were no complementary mineral waters! I was thirsty from the dry Tokyo summer, and I needed my water. I was not about to walk out of my room in my undies though. I was, however, ready to walk out of my room in two layers of undies. I wore two pairs of boxers, pulled the outer one down a bit to my lower thighs trying to pass it off as a pair of shorts, and out I went. When I got my drink, I realized, wouldn't it be funny if I forgot to grab my room keys, and I had to go all the way down to the lobby in my undies to cry for help? WOULDN'T IT BE FUNNY AND SWELL? Well I grabbed my keys with me, my life isn't THAT miserable.
When I Fantasized About Captain Janeway
Am I a major geek if during a indecisive meeting and no management could make any decisions, I want Captain Janeway to beam into the meeting room and make the decisions for us?
Captain Janeway: It seems to me, that none of you managements know what you are talking about. Therefore, I order you to do as I say. I don't compromise so GET ON WITH IT BITCHES.
When McD Screwed Me Over
MacDonalds screwed me, they screwed me over by releasing the new limited time meal called Olympic Gold Medal special. It features a super sized Big Mac, with FOUR beef patties. FOUR! This is exactly the same as last year's special limited time meal for a baseball promotion. But this time they named the burger the INVINCIBLE BIG MAC. The Big Mac is INVINCIBLE! With a name like that, you just have to have it! I had it for lunch today, and I feel sick. Sick and fat. Damn you McD!
