Cursin' GrandMa

My GrandMa is a lovely 83 years old with good health. However since my GrandDaddy passed away about ten years ago she started shrinking in size and brain power... We try our best to not let her fade away so we all do our very best to keep her brains active and accompanied. Of course being your stereotypical Chinese family, we do that by playing MahJhong.

When GrandMa plays MJ, she has an unknown hellbent power source to draw from, and she curses like a Northern Chinese brute.

Before going into details, I'd like to introduce the cast:

Me: The adorably lovable grandson/son/nephew that everyone loves.
MyDad: MJ expert of the family who is getting obese.
MyMom: MJ half-expert of the family who is getting obese.
PsycAunt: Psycology Professor Aunt who likes to make retarded noises on the MJ table.
NagAunt: Aunt that likes to nag lovingly and suck at MJ.
GrandMa: Who cannot remembers what she had for lunch five minutes ago but knows how many to win with a full suit.

These are some typical verbal exchanges at the MJ table:

PsychAunt: MJ is easy and I'm the best LALALALALA WO WO WO WO WO GAGAGOGO *gibberish*
NagAunt: Shut your mouth please it's annoying.
PsychAunt: Whatever, I do what I want!
Grandma: Yo Mama! You are annoying the hell out of me.
Me: GrandMa you really shouldn't say that cuz you're really just cursing at yourself.
Grandma: You want me to spank you boy?

***

NagAunt: PON!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh Yeah I'm da QUEEN! Wait! This may screw up my hand... Lemme see, lemme see, lemme see....hmmmm, wait.... um....should I.... wait....if I play this I may lose...
GrandMa: YO MAMA! HURRY UP!
NagAunt: Alrite I'll let this tile go
GrandMa: You suck, I win, pay up!
NagAunt: I knew it!
GrandMa: .........................................so who won?

***

MyDad: OMG This hand sucks! Worst hand EVAR! Why don't I just lay all my tiles in the open so all of you can see how sucky my hand is.
MyMom: Don't embarrass yourself
GrandMa: YO MAMA! You are dishonoring our family AND the MJ table. Who raised you?

***

We only let GrandMa to play at max 1500NT, if she loses it all then she doesn't have to pay anymore. However for some reason she always think she has a lot more money than we let her play with...and when it comes to discussion about money GrandMa will always take it up a notch.

MyDad: GrandMa you're broke for today.
GrandMa: How much did I lose?
MyMom: $1500NT, we counted for you.
GrandMa: BULL! I had at least $4000NT
MyMom: No we counted for you before it started, you only had $2000NT and we only let you play with $1500NT.
MyDad: Yup we counted.
GrandMa: You are all liars! YO GRANDMAMA!
MyMom: *whimpers*
PsycAunt *in English so my GrandMa couldn't understand us* : GrandMa is confused, we should really pay more caution to this...
GrandMa: Why are you speaking in a language that I do not understand.
PsycAunt: You are so adorable GrandMa.
GrandMa: ARE YOU MY MAMA OR AM I YOUR MAMA! YOU UNGRATEFUL DAUGHTER!
PsycAunt: *giggles*
GrandMa: YO GRANDMAMA!
***

Which reminds me of a very cute anecdote. My grandparents are from the ShangDong province before they came to Taiwan. They have thick ShangDong-ese accents, and along with that is the usual 'greet your mama's private part' cussing. Much alike the c*** word in the English language (I apologize for the offensive word).

Whenever my grandparents fight, their MAMA and GRANDMAMA would all be out in the open verbally, and their private parts are all fair game. They use this so much and so liberally that it lost all meanings for me.

Once upon a time when I was probably only nine years old, my little cousin scared the shit out of everyone, she was three at the time.

MyCousin: I don't want dinner, I want pudding!
GrandMa: No, be a good bunny and eat your dinner.
MyCousin: But I want pudding!
GrandMa: No, if you don't eat your dinner, no pudding, and no TV for you!

MyCousin screamed on top of her three years old lung: YO GRANDMAMA'S C*** ^>.<^!!!!

She delivered it beautifully, and my grandparents stopped swearing until we became adults.